Lake Wes

I figure this is kinda my summer journal, considering I started it last summer and it helped me through a lot. So I am going to start it up again, maybe write every day, or every other day depending on how busy I get.

Anyways, we arrived at Lake Weslemkoon yesterday around 4 pm. Beautiful day, but we were all pretty exhausted and just hung around with my family for the night, unpacked a bit, ate dinner, relaxed, etc. I went to bed around 9 or 10 something and read for a long time, my brother gently snoring with a book in his hands in the bed next to mine. I finished my book around 11:30, turned out the lights and did not wake till around 10:15 this morning.

I always sleep well up here. My bed is so comfortable. More comfy than my one at home, surprisingly. When I'm here in the summer, everything seems to fade. Time is not an issue. Plans jump up spontaneously. A laugh of a Dempsey can be heard a mile away on this lake. And there are a lot of laughs. Last year, I suppose would be an exception to my sress-free idea of a Canadian summer. And the year I was entering high school was extremely tough as well. This year, however, will be the year to remember. I am completely stress-free. There are no summer assignments. I am comfortable with where I am in life. I am a senior. I am in love. I am seventeen. The world is mine and the future is ahead of me. All I have to do is live it out and explore.

I am really excited to be a senior, to walk the halls of Rice knowing that in a year, I'll be gone. It's bittersweet I suppose, but more sweet than bitter now. I'm excited for my future. I'm excited to be 18, 19, 20, 21, to apply to college, to have roommates, to get in fights with my roommates for eating all of the bananas or never cleaning up their sides of the room. I'm excited.

Of course, it's not pure excitement. There is great uncertainty and fear and insecurities that come along with it all. Who will stay close to me? Who will drift away? Who will be the first person I call when I'm going through a breakdown or stressing about the 40 page paper that's due at the end of the semester? But life is all about uncertainty and learning how to adapt and what to believe in.

The lake up here is beautiful. The smell of coppertone surrounds you. I realize now how blessed I am to be able to come up here every summer.

As for what I did today, I truly took it all in. Soaked up the sun and cooled off in the refreshing water. I beat my cousin in Acey Doucey. She beat me last night.

I love summer.

~M

why do i feel like crying again

~M

List of things to do this week.

[X]Textbook readings for APUSH and highlight
[X]Get notes/lectures for APUSH from Nora
[X]Finish Huckleberry Finn
[ ]Term Paper thesis assignment with resources (email before sat)
[ ]MATH: pg. 298 #21-37 odds and pg. 304 #15-33 odds
[X]Formal Chem Lab (email before sat)
[ ]Actively read p 613 – 619--->Problems 16.1 & 16.3

""

"Hey Meghann! Here's the deal... I felt led by the Holy Spirit to actually get a facebook account"

This is when I start thinking of Christians as a bit whacky.

Poetry

i feel as though my poetry lately has been lacking. Either I have lost talent because I've only been writing very sporadically, or I never really had talent to begin with...I feel like a lot of my stuff is too cliche and sing-songy. Not sure how to get out of that rhyming cycle/pattern. It's too Emily Dickinson. Not that Emily Dickinson is bad. I like her. But she's more original too so she can use the rhyming. My stuff seems either used too much or some stuff just wouldn't make sense to anyone else but me.

Oi vay.

Switchfoot always seems to get me through.

Only the losers win
They've got nothing to prove
They'll leave the world with nothing to lose
You can laugh at the weirdos now
Wait till wrongs are right
They'll be the ones with nothing to hide

'Cause I've been thinking, thinking
I've got a plan to lose it all
I've got a contract pending on eternity
If I haven't already given it away
I've got a plan to lose it all

I've been the burnout kid
I've been the idiot
I'll turn the other cheek to be hit
You can take what you want from me
Empty me till I'm depleted
I'll be around if I'm ever needed

i love how she claims she doesn't care and then writes all that crap.
and it wouldn't be so bad if she just didn't bring my faith into it.
i've decided that every time i look at her from now on i am going to smile
not a shy smile.
an actual smile with teeth and squinty eyes.
it's hard to cry when you're smiling.

~M

Worlds Apart

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
"dull the nails that still remain"
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
"dull the nails that still remains"
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart